Short answer: grammatically, a girl has a bat mitzvah — "daughter of the commandment" — not a bar mitzvah, which means "son of." But the question isn't really grammatical. People asking this are usually asking one of three real questions, and the answers are different. We'll take them in order.
Before we go further: the religious threshold itself is automatic. A Jewish girl becomes obligated in the commandments at 12 (or 13, depending on denomination — see bat mitzvah age 12 vs 13 by denomination), regardless of whether she has any ceremony, what it's called, or who shows up. The ceremony marks the moment publicly. The status arrives on its own.
Question 1: Is it grammatically wrong to call a girl's ceremony a "bar mitzvah"?
Yes. Hebrew is a gendered language. Bar is the masculine "son of"; bat is the feminine "daughter of." A girl's ceremony is a bat mitzvah, plural b'not mitzvah when several girls share a date. Mixed groups are b'nei mitzvah (which technically uses the masculine plural for the mixed group, a convention some egalitarian communities are actively rethinking).
If you've been calling your daughter's upcoming ceremony a "bar mitzvah" out of habit, the rabbi will gently correct the program. Nobody will be offended. But the printed invitations, the synagogue bulletin, and the d'var Torah introduction will all say bat mitzvah.
For background on what either term actually means, see what does bar mitzvah mean.
Question 2: Can a girl have the same ceremony a boy gets?
Yes — in any non-Orthodox denomination, and in some Orthodox communities. This is the more interesting question.
Historically, the bat mitzvah ceremony didn't exist. The first recorded American bat mitzvah was Judith Kaplan's, in 1922, at her father Mordecai Kaplan's Reconstructionist synagogue. For decades after, "bat mitzvah" often meant something smaller than what boys got — a Friday night service rather than Saturday morning, no Torah reading, a confirmation-style group ceremony, or no ceremony at all.
That's no longer how it works in most of American Judaism:
Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist, Renewal, and most independent communities: girls get the full Saturday morning ceremony. Full Torah reading, full Haftarah, d'var Torah, all seven aliyot available to family members of any gender. The service is identical to what boys do. The party is identical. The expectations are identical. If you walk into a Conservative or Reform synagogue on a Saturday morning, you cannot tell from the program format alone whether the child on the bimah is a boy or a girl.
Modern Orthodox: varies widely. Many Modern Orthodox communities have developed serious bat mitzvah ceremonies in the last 20 years — often a Sunday morning Torah service in a women-only setting, with full Torah reading by the bat mitzvah girl, female aliyot, and a d'var Torah at the kiddush. Some have moved further; some haven't. Ask the specific shul.
Yeshivish / Haredi Orthodox: generally, no public Torah reading by women. The bat mitzvah is often celebrated with a women-only luncheon, a d'var Torah given in a non-synagogue setting, and a meaningful family meal. The religious threshold is still marked; the public synagogue format is not.
If you're trying to choose a community for your daughter's bat mitzvah and you want a full egalitarian ceremony, your synagogue search should filter explicitly for that. Most Reform and Conservative shuls listed in the synagogue directory are fully egalitarian — but call and ask, especially for older or more traditional Conservative congregations.
Question 3: We have a non-binary kid. What ceremony do they have?
This is the question more families are asking now, and it's the one where the language is actually moving.
The most common solutions, in roughly the order they've emerged:
B-mitzvah (sometimes spelled b'mitzvah). Drops the gendered prefix entirely. Pronounced "buh-mitzvah." Reconstructing Judaism formally adopted this language in 2016, and it's now the standard in most Reform, Reconstructionist, and Renewal communities for non-binary teens. Many Conservative communities have followed.
Brit mitzvah. "Covenant of the commandment." A few communities use this as a non-gendered alternative. Less common than b-mitzvah but gaining ground.
Bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah by the kid's choice. Some non-binary kids prefer the traditional gendered term that matches their preferred presentation, regardless of assigned gender at birth. The synagogue follows the kid's lead. This is increasingly common.
Simchat mitzvah. "Joy of the commandment." Used occasionally, particularly when families want to avoid the binary entirely and don't love the b-mitzvah construction.
The denominational picture: Reform, Reconstructionist, Renewal, and most Conservative synagogues will accommodate any of the above. Modern Orthodox typically uses the gendered term matching the kid's halakhic status (assigned sex). Yeshivish and Haredi communities generally don't formally recognize non-binary identity in this context.
If you're navigating this, the practical work is mostly invitation wording and synagogue communication. For the invitation side, see bar mitzvah invitation wording for non-Jewish guests for a related "how do we explain this to people who don't know" template — same principle, different specifics.
What about co-ed twins, or a girl-twin and boy-twin?
Twin b'nei mitzvah are common and the format is well-established. A boy-girl twin pair typically does a joint Saturday morning service: she does part of the Torah portion, he does part, they each give a d'var Torah, and the synagogue lists it as a b'nei mitzvah (using the mixed-gender plural, which despite being grammatically masculine is the standard).
The ceremony content is identical for both. The party is shared. The gift expectations are shared (guests typically give one combined gift rather than two — see how much to give as a bar mitzvah gift by relationship for amounts, and adjust modestly upward for twins because the family is hosting one event for two children).
The "but my grandmother said no girl ever had a bar mitzvah" conversation
This comes up more than you'd think. Older relatives in some families have a complicated relationship with the post-1970s expansion of women's ritual roles. The conversation tends to land best when you:
- Use the correct term — bat mitzvah — without making a thing of it.
- Invite them and assume they'll show up.
- Don't relitigate the history at the kiddush.
Most grandmothers who initially flinch end up being the loudest weepers when their granddaughter chants Haftarah. The ceremony does its own work.
What's next
- For an overview of what the ceremony itself involves, see what does bar mitzvah mean and how long does a bar mitzvah service last.
- For age timing in girls specifically — 12 in some denominations, 13 in others — see bat mitzvah age 12 vs 13 by denomination.
- For guest-side questions about what to wear and how to behave at a bat mitzvah service that may be in a tradition you don't know, see non-Jewish guest etiquette.
- To find a synagogue with the ceremony format you want, browse the synagogue directory and filter by denomination.
- For planning logistics, the 12-month bar mitzvah planning timeline applies equally to b'not mitzvah and b-mitzvah ceremonies — substitute terms as needed.
The language matters less than the day itself. Whatever you call it, the kid is reading Torah in front of the people who love them, and that's the part that lasts.
Last updated: May 2026.