Do Parents Get Aliyot at a Bar Mitzvah?

Short answer: yes, almost always. At a bar or bat mitzvah, parents typically get one of the most prominent aliyot of the morning — usually the sixth or seventh — and stand on the bima next to their kid as the Torah is read. It's one of the most photographed, most emotional moments of the service.

The longer answer has some nuance. Where exactly parents go in the seven-aliyah sequence varies. Interfaith parents face a different set of options. Divorced parents need to coordinate. And in some Orthodox settings, a non-Jewish parent has no aliyah role at all. Here's how it actually works.

The basic setup: seven aliyot on Shabbat morning

On Shabbat morning, the Torah is divided into seven sections, each chanted publicly, each preceded and followed by blessings. The person reciting those blessings has "the aliyah" for that section. There are seven aliyot in the regular sequence, plus a maftir — a short final reading — which is almost always reserved for the bar or bat mitzvah kid.

The conventional honors distribution looks like this:

Kohen — a descendant of the priestly line
Levi — a descendant of the tribe of Levi
Shlishi (third) — typically a close relative or family friend
Revi'i (fourth) — close relative or family friend
Chamishi (fifth) — close relative
Shishi (sixth) — often a grandparent or parent
Shvi'i (seventh) — often a parent
Maftir — the bar or bat mitzvah

For more on what an aliyah actually is and what you do on the bima, see what does aliyah mean at a bar mitzvah.

Where parents land in the sequence

The most common pattern: one parent gets the sixth aliyah, the other gets the seventh. The seventh aliyah is often considered the prestige slot for the bar mitzvah's immediate family, with the sixth as the close second. Together, the two parents stand on the bima for two consecutive aliyot — meaning they're effectively up there with their kid for the last 8–12 minutes of the Torah reading.

In some congregations, parents take the third and fourth aliyot instead, leaving the sixth and seventh for grandparents. Both arrangements are normal. Talk to your rabbi early — usually 3–4 weeks out — about which sequence the synagogue uses by default.

A third pattern, less common but growing: parents share a single aliyah. They both stand at the bima, both recite the blessings together (or in alternating Hebrew lines), and the section is counted as one aliyah honoring "the parents." This is more common in Reform and Reconstructionist settings.

For where this all fits in the bigger arc, see the 12-month bar mitzvah planning timeline — aliyah distribution is typically locked 3–4 weeks out.

Interfaith families: where the non-Jewish parent fits

This is the most-asked question in this space, and the answer depends entirely on denomination.

Reform. Most Reform synagogues offer an alternative honor to the non-Jewish parent — often a reading in English of a parent's blessing, or holding the Torah during the hagbah (lifting) and gelilah (dressing) moments. Some Reform synagogues will allow a non-Jewish parent to recite the blessings as part of a parental sharing arrangement. Ask your rabbi.

Conservative. Most Conservative synagogues do not offer aliyot to non-Jewish parents but do offer meaningful alternative honors: opening the ark, carrying the Torah in a procession, an English parental reading from the bima. Recent decisions have varied congregation to congregation.

Orthodox. Aliyot are reserved for Jewish men (Modern Orthodox women's aliyot exist in a small number of partnership minyanim). A non-Jewish parent will typically not have a bima role. Some Modern Orthodox congregations will create an English parental blessing moment after the service — at the kiddush luncheon or directly after the Torah is returned. Ask explicitly.

Reconstructionist. Most flexible. Non-Jewish parents are routinely included in aliyot, sometimes with a slightly modified blessing wording.

No denominational answer is "right." Every synagogue has its own practice, sometimes its own rabbi's specific take. Ask early. If the answer doesn't work for your family, you have time to find a different congregation or a different format. For more on the broader interfaith guest dynamic, see non-Jewish guest etiquette and do non-Jews wear a kippah at a bar mitzvah.

Divorced parents: how to coordinate

Divorced parents almost always both get aliyot. The standard arrangement:

One parent gets the sixth aliyah, the other gets the seventh.
They do not need to stand on the bima together; they're up there consecutively.
After the second parent's aliyah ends, both can stand briefly together for a parental blessing if the synagogue allows (most do).

Whose aliyah comes first — sixth or seventh — is sometimes a delicate decision. The seventh is the more prestigious slot. The honest defaults:

Equal-custody situations: Coin flip, alternate by year, or let the synagogue assign. Don't make it a battle.
Primary-custody parent: Some families default to seventh for the primary-custody parent. Some don't.
One parent funding the event: Has no bearing on aliyah assignment. Don't let it.

A small but real thing: many divorced parents stand together briefly during the misheberach (blessing for healing or special occasions) just before the maftir. This is a public moment of co-parenting unity that the room reads — kindly. For invitation wording when divorced parents are co-hosting, see invitations & stationery vendors.

If a parent has remarried, the new spouse generally does not get an aliyah at the bar mitzvah unless they've been raising the kid as a stepparent for years and the biological parents agree. Stepparents more commonly get alternative honors: an English reading, opening the ark, carrying the Torah.

What parents actually do on the bima

If you've never had an aliyah before, here's the short version of what to expect. The full walk-through is in what does aliyah mean, but in summary:

The gabbai will call you by your Hebrew name.
You walk to the bima — direct path.
You stand to the right of the Torah reader (your kid).
You touch the Torah with the corner of your tallit (or borrow one) and kiss the tallit fringe.
You recite the blessing before the reading. The synagogue provides a card with English transliteration. You don't memorize it.
Your kid chants their section of the Torah.
You recite the blessing after.
You stay on the bima through the next aliyah (or, if you're the seventh, through the maftir — meaning you're standing with your kid while they chant).
After the maftir, you and the other parent typically deliver a short blessing to your child — misheberach style, sometimes in English. Some synagogues build in a formal moment for this. Some don't.

If your synagogue offers a brief parents' blessing slot, prepare 30–60 seconds in advance. Plain English is fine. "We bless you to be brave and kind. We love you. Mazel tov."

What if a parent can't read Hebrew at all?

Completely common, completely fine. The synagogue provides a phonetic transliteration card. You'll read the blessings in English-letter Hebrew. Practice once with the cantor 15 minutes before the service starts. They will not make you feel small about this. It is part of their job.

If you're truly anxious about reading aloud at all, ask the rabbi for the option of having the cantor recite the blessings with you in unison. This is a real option in most synagogues and removes the spotlight without removing the honor.

For more on how to prepare with the cantor, see how to write a d'var Torah for a bar mitzvah — the same kind of week-of prep happens there.

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Last updated: May 2026.