This is one of the most-searched bar mitzvah questions on the internet, and one of the worst-served. Most of the "templates" you'll find online were written for weddings, copy-pasted, and never adjusted for the fact that a bar or bat mitzvah is the child's event, not the parents' — which changes the wording rules entirely.
Here are the real options, with wording you can actually use, plus a few etiquette landmines we see families step on every season.
The first principle: the kid is the subject of the sentence
A wedding invitation answers "who is inviting whom to celebrate the marriage of." A bar mitzvah invitation answers a different question: "who is the child, and when are they being called to the Torah." That second question doesn't structurally need the parents in it at all.
What that means in practice: you have more flexibility than wedding etiquette guides suggest. You can list both parents, list them separately, leave one off, or have the invitation come from the child. None of these are "wrong." They send different signals, and a couple of them avoid friction the others don't.
If you haven't read it yet, the non-Jewish-guest wording guide covers the parallel question of how to make the invitation legible across audiences. The same instinct — say what's true, say it plainly — applies here.
Option 1: Both parents listed jointly (the most common path)
If the divorce is amicable, both parents are involved in the planning, and both will be present at the service, this is the cleanest option. It mirrors the way a married-couple invitation reads, and it doesn't draw attention to family structure.
The only real change from a standard invitation is removing the "and" between the names, since the parents are no longer a unit. Two styles work:
Sarah Goldberg and Michael Goldberg invite you to share in their joy as their son
Daniel Aaron
is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Or the slightly warmer version that drops the joint pronoun:
Sarah Goldberg and Michael Goldberg joyfully invite you as their son Daniel Aaron is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Both forms are correct. The first is more formal; the second reads less like a contract. Pick the one that matches the rest of your invitation's voice.
The "and" question: etiquette guides used to insist on a line break between the parents' names to signal divorce. Almost nobody does this anymore — it reads stiff and slightly tabloid. A single "and" between the names is fine, and most modern divorced-parent invitations are designed exactly this way.
Option 2: Parents listed on separate lines
When both parents want to be on the invitation but the relationship is cool enough that the joint-line version feels off, putting each name on its own line is a quiet, dignified solution. It's also the standard form when parents have different last names (one took back a maiden name post-divorce).
Sarah Goldberg Michael Levine
invite you to share in the joy as their son
Daniel Aaron Levine
is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Note the kid takes one of the parents' last names — usually whichever appears on his Hebrew school records and the synagogue's official documents. This is not a moment to surprise anyone with a name change. If there's ambiguity, ask the synagogue what name is on the aliyah; that's the name on the invitation.
Alphabetical order of first names is the modern default. Father-first/mother-first is no longer enforced by anyone whose opinion matters.
Option 3: Remarried parents — step-parent inclusion
This is the trickiest scenario, and the one most templates online get wrong. There's no single right answer; there are three real choices, and you pick based on the family.
3a. Both biological parents only, step-parents on neither side
Sarah Goldberg and Michael Levine invite you to share in their joy as their son Daniel is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
This is the most common modern form. Step-parents who have been involved for years sometimes feel underrecognized by this; talk to them ahead of time. The compensating gestures — speaking role at the service, a candle in the candle-lighting, a featured place in the parent speech — usually matter more than the invitation line.
3b. Biological parent + step-parent on each side (the "four-name" invitation)
Sarah and David Goldberg-Klein Michael and Jennifer Levine
invite you to share in their joy as our son Daniel is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
This is the right call when the step-parents have been central in the child's upbringing for years, when both new households are co-hosting (and co-paying) for the event, and when the bar/bat mitzvah child has a real relationship with both step-parents. It signals "this is who his family is now," which is sometimes exactly the message you want to send.
The grammatical hitch: "their joy" technically refers to four people now. "Our joy" or "the joy" reads cleaner. Use whichever doesn't trip on the page.
3c. Biological parent + step-parent on one side only
When one parent has remarried and the other hasn't, the invitation gets visually lopsided if you list three names. Two clean fixes:
Sarah Goldberg Michael and Jennifer Levine
invite you to share in their joy as their son Daniel is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
The asymmetry is honest. Nobody reading it will think anything other than "his dad remarried; his mom didn't." Which is true.
The alternative — keeping the invitation to biological parents only and inviting Jennifer to play a featured role at the service — is also fine, and many families pick it precisely to avoid the visual lopsidedness.
Option 4: Child as sender (the "invite you in their own voice" form)
This option used to be rare and is increasingly common, particularly for B'nei mitzvah where the kid is older or where parental relationships are complicated.
Daniel Aaron Levine invites you to share in the joy as he is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Saturday, the twenty-ninth of August Two thousand twenty-six at nine thirty in the morning
Temple Beth Shalom 1820 Beacon Street Brookline, Massachusetts
His parents, Sarah Goldberg and Michael Levine, warmly welcome you to this milestone.
The "his parents" line in italics is optional but smart — it tells guests who's hosting in a way that doesn't put either parent in the headline. It also covers the case where one parent is significantly more involved in planning than the other; the invitation doesn't have to dramatize that.
This form works particularly well when one parent has remarried and the other hasn't, when there's an estranged parent who isn't attending, or when the child is older (15+ adult bar mitzvah) and wants the invitation to read like the milestone is theirs.
Option 5: One parent only (when the other isn't part of the event)
When a parent is deceased, estranged, or absent from the bar mitzvah by mutual agreement, the invitation listing the present parent only is fine. You don't need to explain.
Sarah Goldberg invites you to share in her joy as her son Daniel is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
The pull of "should we list him anyway?" comes up a lot when a parent is deceased. The traditional Jewish answer is: yes, you can include a deceased parent on the invitation, often with the line "in loving memory of [father's name], z"l." This is widely accepted and reads as honoring rather than awkward. Place it after the host line, before the date.
Sarah Goldberg invites you to share in her joy as her son Daniel is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
In loving memory of his father, Michael Levine, z"l
A few etiquette landmines
- Don't put a parent's new partner on the invitation if they're not married. Long-term partner, engaged, doesn't matter — invitations go by marriage. Speaking role at the service is the right place to honor a serious unmarried partner.
- Don't use "and Mr./Ms. [Maiden Name]" formal style unless the rest of your invitation is doing the formal-traditional thing. It reads cold next to a warm modern invitation and signals you're working off an old template.
- Don't list grandparents on the host line of a divorced-parent invitation to make the line "look more complete." It muddies who's hosting. Grandparents go on a separate enclosure card or get a grandparent speech moment at the service.
- Don't have separate invitations from each parent. A few families do this when communication has fully broken down. Guests will see both versions and ask which one is real. Pick one, even if it's the child-as-sender version, and have everyone agree to it.
- Don't print the invitation before the divorce paperwork is final if you're mid-process. Last names change, status changes, and an invitation with a soon-to-be-wrong name on it is a small but real headache to re-order. Wait the extra two weeks if you can.
What's next
If you're working through the broader invitation question, the digital vs print decision is the next call to make — the wording above works in either format. And once the invitation is locked, the RSVP card etiquette is the next thing families step on. Both posts assume the parent lineup is settled by the time the printer is involved, which is the right order.
Browse invitations and stationery vendors for designers who handle blended-family layouts every week and won't need the situation explained twice.